How to Walk Away From Family From a Buddhist Perspective

Thich Nhat Hanh is one of the world'due south nearly renowned Buddhist leaders, 2d only to the Dalai Lama in fame and influence.

With his 100+ books, he's been an advocate for mindfulness at some of the most fractious moments of the by 50 years. He cut his teeth doing human being rights and reconciliation work during the Vietnam War, and so was nominated for a Nobel Prize past Martin Luther Male monarch Jr. These days, he's considered the father of "engaged Buddhism."

In the wake of 9/xi, he spoke about compassion, and has pb retreats for Palestinians and Israelis, and American law officers. He wrote a Zen response to terrorism, and the former chief climate negotiator for the UN credits him with helping her broker the Paris climate agreement.

In 2014, Thich Nhat Hanh, who is at present ninety years old, had a stroke. While he continues to pb Plum Hamlet, the monastery and retreat eye in southwest France he founded in 1982, he is however recovering and is not conducting interviews.

I recently got in impact with one of his senior disciples to talk about the Buddha's psychological teachings on fear, and we concluded upwards discussing a great many other things. Brother Phap Dung is Vietnamese American, and has lived at Plum Village for half dozen years. He was ordained as a monk in 1998. Our conversation, which happened over Skype, has been edited for length and clarity.

Eliza Barclay

Many people experience very fearful and uncertain most what the future will concur — the harm that will come to America and the planet from new policies under President-elect Donald Trump. What is the all-time manner to manage deep uncertainty and fear in a moment like this?

Phap Dung

We see the mind like a house, then if your house is on fire, you demand to take care of the burn, not to get look for the person that made the burn. Take care of those emotions kickoff; information technology's the priority. Because anything that comes from a place of fear and anxiety and anger volition only make the fire worse. Come back and detect a place of calm and peace to absurd the flame of emotion down.

As a commonage energy, fearfulness and anger can be very subversive. We make the wrong decisions if we base it on fear, anger, and wrong perception. Those emotions cloud our listen. And so the first matter in the practise that we acquire from the Buddhist tradition is to come back and take care of our emotion. Nosotros employ the mindfulness to recognize it.

Eliza Barclay

And so you don't think anger is a healthy reaction right now?

Phap Dung

People are so convinced that acrimony and all this free energy will produce change. But in fact it'southward very destructive, considering you're opposing. Opposition wastes energy. It'south not healing.

Emotions can be practiced. Passion can be practiced, and compassion is very passionate. Merely compassion doesn't waste energy. It includes and it understands; it'southward more than clear.

Engage in protest, simply non from a place of anger. You need to express your opinion, and you demand to go out there and say this is wrong. But don't practice it by saying hateful things. In a manner, we Buddhists wait more than at free energy than personality. That helps us be wiser.

Eliza Barclay

I think some people understand that, yes, they should have compassion. Merely they struggle with it. They look at people who voted for Trump or Trump himself, and see power and hate. Then people fear beingness too passive. They recall, "If I'm compassionate, that makes me passive, and I could become hurt."

Phap Dung

Compassion is not sitting in your room; it'southward really very active and engaging.

Trump is not an alien who came from another planet. Nosotros produced Trump, so we are co-responsible. Our culture, our society, made him. We dear to pick somebody and make them the object. Just it's deeper than that. We have to see him within of us.

We're shocked because we found out there's a member of our family unit that we've been ignoring. Information technology's time to listen and actually wait at our family.

We are afraid to engage, but you tin dialogue and debate. It requires a lot of practice to sit in that location and mind, and not judge so you can understand.

You cannot end discrimination by calling the other names. All the people who voted for him are not bigots and racists and women haters. We are all judgmental, sometimes fifty-fifty a bit racist.

What'south in my heart is that people find the patience and clarity to heed before they beginning to blame and criticize.

The Plum Hamlet meditation hall in the Dordogne region of France.

UBC

Eliza Barclay

How has the consequence of the US ballot sharpened and antiseptic your view of humanity in the 21st century?

Phap Dung

There is definitely a need for restructuring in terms of political power and economic concentration. Listening to Bernie Sanders, he revealed a lot of truth that we didn't want to hear. We are living in a mirage that we are complimentary.

I liked that Sanders said he was going to share what no politician is going to share. I'm paraphrasing: "When you elect me I volition not be able to aid you because the president is still all under the corporations." Wow, that was an astonishing speech. That was pretty brave. I call back that's right.

I grew upwards in Los Angeles around activists. I like the talk in the Democratic Political party to rebuild and restructure the party — to wake up and look at themselves. And the same for the [Republicans] pulling away from Trump. Our society is very vulnerable to being very polarized and that's what the media is taking advantage of. We take to be really careful.

I don't follow politics a lot, but considering of my background and my teacher and how I come up from a war, I had to look at some of these things. I'm not fooled by the media anymore.

Eliza Barclay

What war did you alive through?

Phap Dung

I was child in Vietnam. I lived with this stuff, a divided system similar this. They divided united states of america, they called u.s.a. north and due south. All nosotros wanted was independence and to determine our own livelihood. We call back democracy is the highest matter; it is not republic, come on. We impose it on others and create segmentation.

Eliza Barclay

So let'southward say nosotros're at-home, set to act. What is all-time mode to act?

Phap Dung

Go have refuge in nature, and notice a cause where your heart doesn't experience inactive and in despair. This is the medicine. We become out and we assistance.

Don't allow hate and anger to take over your world. Considering there are other things happening. Trump is non the end of the world — 8 years, possibly, okay.

But right now people in our family unit are still there, and they might demand u.s.. Our friend may be somebody who is being discriminated against. You can merely be at that place to offering them that kindness if yous are stable. Yous cannot assist them if you lot are filled with hate and fearfulness. What people need is your not-fright, your stability, solidity, clarity. This is what we can offer.

Eliza Barclay

You and your primary recommend daily practice of meditation, right?

Phap Dung

Our minds and hearts demand nutrient. And meditation is a kind of food. And then we feed ourselves like that. You lot need to consume, and your peace, kindness, clarity need to eat too. Meditation is non just praying; no, you lot're cultivating this so you tin offer information technology to others.

When yous sit down with someone who'south calm, you can become calm. If you sit with someone who's agitated and mean, yous tin become agitated and hateful.

Meditation is not an esoteric practise; it's not something you do only in a meditation hall or Buddhist retreat eye. Information technology can happen right in whatever activity you're doing — while walking, in the role. Information technology means you are there, present with calm and peace.

With a breath, you can bring calm, clarity and residual your thinking.

Eliza Barclay

Tin can you talk well-nigh the political dimensions of Buddhism today? Is there a Buddhist political coalition? Is in that location a vision for Buddhist engagement in politics?

Phap Dung

When nosotros engage with worldly politics, we try not to take sides. It's easy to choose a side, but equally Buddhist practitioners we try to have more inclusiveness to intervene.

The matter is that left and right were never separate. Your right paw maybe has done a lot of awful things — like neat trees, destroying the forest. But when the right hand gets hurt, your left hand comes to its assistance, grabs and holds information technology without hesitation. This is the way we engage in politics — nosotros effort not to see other as divide from u.s.a.; they are us. We become out at that place and attempt to heal but we don't cause more impairment.

Both sides are suffering — they may have different levels of suffering — just both sides are suffering. People don't desire to exist mean or harming. We keep that in mind.

The wake-up call is to not to exist too quick. That's the hard part. When someone hates, it's hard for u.s.a. to accept that and listen. But to find relief, nosotros take to heed.

Eliza Barclay

What if they don't listen dorsum?

Phap Dung

We accept hosted retreats for Israelis and Palestinians in Plum Village. But we don't gather them and try to get them to listen right abroad. It takes three days — to calm down, to prepare to heed. Then with each one of them, we walk, learn to calm ourselves, and with meditation nosotros learn to bear on our own deep suffering.

And so ane side listens to other without reacting, and that's the end of the session. Then they get dorsum and do meditation. Then the other side listens. Through meditation, they begin to run into interconnection.

Stopping is a requirement before deep listening.

Eliza Barclay

So allow's say yous're anticipating a conversation with a family unit member at Thanksgiving who holds a racist view. And you see that as the incorrect view. What would you recommend as way to appoint with this person?

Phap Dung

The way I practice is that you cannot ask people for what they exercise not have. You merely make yourself suffer. So yous don't demand to try and convince them. Don't put stuff in their box they're not going to want. It's a waste of saliva.

When there is discrimination, you can utilise the opportunity to increment understanding. You lot can concentrate on what makes you happy; there are other elements in this person, not just the prejudice. You have to notice too the good qualities in them. Don't focus on wrong views because that makes y'all angry.

This is not wishful thinking or deluded thinking. This is taking intendance of yourself. Only when you can exercise that — when y'all tin be a good listener and be nonjudgmental — is a dialogue possible.

When I think I am right, I am on a course for a lot of conflict. Considering I am stuck with my own views and not open to other people. So I endure. When I run across that in other people, I run across they are suffering. Possibly kindness is there. Their viewpoints may not be right, just their heart may exist kind.

Thich Nhat Hanh, center, and the Venerable monks offer incense at the opening of the annual 90-mean solar day winter retreat on November fifteen.

UBC

Eliza Barclay

Your master had a stroke. Does he know near President-elect Trump?

Phap Dung

Yes, one of our teachers shared it with him. I wasn't there myself, just I heard that he took his left paw; he went like this (opens palm). You can interpret that all you want.

He is totally aware of it, but his mind is in trying to recover and heal and be nowadays with his customs than with political things. We are his continuation.

He was with us today. I had lunch with him, and it was very sweetness. He took his teacup and he fabricated sure we were all drinking tea, and he gestured, "Drink your tea." I of the sisters, she was talking to another sister, and he looked over and gestured to u.s. to tell her to stop talking and drink the tea. He is aware of the quality of what is happening in the moment in the room.

I know when things like this happen in ane role of the planet, he puts more attempt into our community to nourish people with trust, compassion, love. I have been around him when many things have happened around the world on a one thousand scale, then we are continuing that. We just did that; nosotros had a solar day of mindfulness with hundreds of people, [to] effort to cultivate goodness in them.

Eliza Barclay

I want to come back to the question of fear and the time to come. Why shouldn't nosotros fearfulness information technology?

Phap Dung

The future is built with the nowadays moment and how we take care of it. If you are fearful, the future volition be fearful. If you lot are uncooperative, the future will be divisive. This is very important.

The time to come is not something that will come to united states; the future is built past united states, by how we speak and what we do in the present moment.

Community practice is crucial at this time. Information technology's crucial not to be lone in front end of the figurer, reading media. That makes the earth dark for yous. Find flesh. There are yet wonderful things happening.

Farther reading

— An essay by Baratunde Thurston on the need for empathy to go both ways.

— Phonation's German Lopez on the contend most whether or not to approach Trump voters with understanding and empathy.

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Source: https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2016/11/22/13638374/buddhist-monk-mindfulness

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